just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
