we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When are your genitals available?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
