He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize