I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
