I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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