respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize