What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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