It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
