happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
