I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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