But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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