My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
