You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
