I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
