Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
