She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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