hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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