I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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