Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
