I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
