Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
