Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
