did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
