How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
