She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
