32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize