so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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