i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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