Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
