Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize