Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
