I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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