Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
