Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
