saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
