i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
