one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
