Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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