I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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