what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
