everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
