I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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