Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
