i just had sex bonerless
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
