youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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