Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
