yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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