Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
