I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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