Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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