ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
