C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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