She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
