Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
