When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
