Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
