it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
