That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need a beard to bite.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
