Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize