I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
