Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
