I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
