he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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