Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
