Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
