she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
