tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize