first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize