this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
