This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
