I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
